The Best Advice My Future Husband Has Given Me That Will Help You, Too
"Can you fix it right now? Is there something in this very moment you can do to change it? If the answer is no, then take a deep breath and know that we will find a solution together, but stressing over it tonight won't help figure it out."
That is what Justin, my wonderful, loving, caring, smart fiance told me last night when I had my first mental break down about our wedding. I am officially in panic mode about our finances. I knew weddings were expensive, but now that we're actually planning our own, I can't believe how expensive they really are. Venues, and photographers, and DJ's, and cake cutting fees etc. - so many little things I had never thought of or considered. Then, the thought of spending our first year of marriage in debt paying off a one day party set in and that really made it worse. I've started a list of things most important to us for the wedding, and a list of things not as important. We plan on putting most of our money towards those important things and DIY what we can on the rest. But sometimes, even that can be stressful. I've read so many "Here's How You Pay for a Wedding" articles that went on and on about cutting unnecessary costs and saving up before the wedding that I feel like I haven't retained any important information other than if we do those things, we won't get married until we're 30. And while financially that is the smart thing to do, no one really wants a 6 year engagement and I bet even then we won't feel financially ready for a wedding. You're never actually "financially ready" for big purchases, but there has to be a better way to handle them. When I figure out what that better way is, I'll let you know.
But in the midst of this mind tornado, ripping through all my rational thoughts and throwing them around while only the irrational ones seemed to be staying put, Justin looked at me, said those wise words, kissed my forehead and reassured me that we would find the answers soon. I've been asking myself that question all day "can I fix it right now, in this moment?" and if the answer is no, I breathe and do something else that I can fix. If I can fix it, I try to think of the best and smartest solution and doing this has significantly reduced my stress levels about all this. These moments are a good reminder about how lucky I am to be marrying him, and how well he knows me and the ways to calm me down.
So if you're having a wedding mental break down like me, stressing about things you can't change or the future and what's to come, remember those magic words - "Can you fix it right now?". If the answer is no, then you go and pour that third glass of wine on a work night, turn on your favorite HGTV show, and remember this - you can't fix it now, but when it is time to, you won't have to do it alone.
Love always -